Monday, August 15, 2011


So I have decided that the year is getting close to over and I am going to get pregnant. I have been making a few goals to help with my BIG goal which is get pregnant by the end of this year some of those small goals are- stop smoking(which I did today), stop drinking soda and drink alot of water, take my fertiaid and prenatal pills everyday, and I hope that by the end of this year it will happen. I guess if it does not happen I will have to go to the doctor and start looking for things that are wrong with me lol. I have been with my husband for 7 years yeah thats along time to not get pregnant but I have had 3 miscarriages so I hope all goes as plained and we get some good news for the new years.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I dont know what to do.

So as anyone reading my blog would understand the problems I have had getting pregnant and staying pregnant. Well my cousin has asked me to help raise her daughter and I just feel so torn about what to do. I want to so bad I think it would be a good thing for me in my life right now. But its just that we moved about two months ago to a way better place but with a roommate. He works with my husband and sometimes he is not even here more then half of the time but still kind of a party house I guess you could say. I really want to do this and I think it would be a good experience for my husband and myself but I just dont know how Daves friend would feel about the whole thing. I found myself thinking about it more and more and cant get it off my mind. I feel by not doing anything........ well it makes me feel like crap. I just dont know what to do I could ask him and see what he says about the whole thing but at the same time he is the kind of guy were he would say okay its fine but not be okay with it. I really dont know I am thinking I will pray about it some more and maybe just ask him and see what he says. Even if its just a couple of weeks helping out my cousin or maybe turn into something more down the road.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Trying to stay positive.

Things have been going okay lately but its still really hard to cope with everything going on. I hate to say this but sometimes I feel like I could not live without being a mother. Everyone tells me that it will happen and it just takes time, but I have waited what seems like long enough and its still not happening. Today is Fathers day and I cant help but feel bad for my husband who should be a dad right now. I feel that its my fault that I cant give him a child and that maybe it will never happen. How can I live with that for the rest of my life. How am I for sure that my husband will stay with me forever. When I dont know if I will ever be able to give him a real family besides just me and him. I have always wanted a big family with alot of kids. But heck right now I would be happy with one right now. Everyone around me has kids or are pregnant and thats really really hard to be around people even my family with kids. In two months our insurance will cover infertility and so I am going to try that and see what happens this next year after that I am not sure whats going to happen but I only pray that I will be a mom soon.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

3 miscarriages.

My husband and I have been together for 7 years. Trying to be parents for 5 years now. We have gotten pregnant three times but have lost them in the first trimester every time. Most people spend a lot of there life trying not to get pregnant and now its just been so hard trying to have a baby. Everyone around me has kids and that is so hard. My brothers and sister all have kids and a lot of friends that I went to high school with have kids and that makes it really hard not to think about. Ever since I was a little girl I have always wanted to be a mom. I love kids and spending time with my nieces and nephews. But its also hard being around them too at the same time. Our health insurance that we have will cover infertility in just two months. I am looking forward to going to the doctor and getting down to the problems that I have had. I just hope that there will be some answers soon about what is going on.